The New Discord
by llxxRawr its Beansxxll
Summary: Discord has changed and becomes best, best friends with Fluttershy. Well, not if one of her pony friends has anything to say about it.
1. Chapter 1

Fluttershy's heavy eyes struggled to open as sunlight beamed through her window and spilled onto her face. She didn't even have time to stretch before she saw Discord's wild grinning face.

"Howdy doo!"

"EEP!"

The yellow pegasus pony fell to the floor below, frightened by his sudden appearance.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He apologized as he helped her back into bed.

"Um...how did you get into my house?"

"It was really easy, the door was unlocked. Well, not the door, but the window. Yep, just walked right in. In fact, I've been standing here watching you sleep for almost two hours. Did you know that you don't really snore? You just make a little high-pitched whistling sound out of your nose. It's really cute, actually. But I've really come to make you…"

He snapped his fingers on his lion hand, and a big tray appeared in Fluttershy's lap, filled with all sorts of food.

"…breakfast in bed! Fit for a queen!"

"Aw, thank you, Discord. You didn't have to."

"We're friends, remember? It's what we do."

Angel woke up from his slumber and saw Discord standing over Fluttershy. He jumped up to protect her and clawed Discord's face.

"Yeouch!"

"Angel! Don't be rude. I told you, Discord has changed. Sorry about him."

"Oh, it's alright. I know I caused him quite a bit of torment when I was all chaotic and jazz."

He snapped his fingers, and the cut disappeared. A discouraged Angel stomped off to watch TV.

"So…I've got quite a day planned for us as best friends!"

"Like what?" Fluttershy asked as she chewed some toast.

Discord poofed a checklist up from thin air and unfolded it so it stretched all the way across the room.

"Oh, my."

"Yep! First, I thought we'd go to the beach. You like the beach, right?"

"Of course."

"Wonderful! Next, you know that amusement park in Manehattan?"

"Manehattan? That's so far away."

"Oh, I'll use a teleportation spell. In fact, on this list, I've marked the most fun things in red."

"Everything's in red."

"Yeah, I know!"

"Well…I kind of had an appointment with Pinkie Pie. She needs me to-"

"Oh…I see…Well, I'll just go back to the stony lonesome, where I belong."

He poofed himself up a jail and a prison outfit.

"A lonely guy like me doesn't deserve a kind mare like you. Helping out your pony friends and all."

"Oh, nonsense, Discord. You're not a lonely guy. Of course, I'll go with you."

"Wonderful!"

He poofed himself out.

"Um…before we go, I have to feed my critters."

"Already taken care of."

"Aw, you're such a sweetie."

"Now, you just finish your breakfast and come out when you feel like it."

"Okay."

Fluttershy and Discord were at the beach, walking along the ocean front. The tide came in and almost swept the pony away, but Discord helped her back to her feet. She kind of blushed as two ponies ran away at the sight of Discord.

The two were at the amusement park, and Discord convinced Fluttershy to ride the roller coaster. He practically had to drag her on, she was so frightened.

"Come on, I promise you'll like it."

The ride started, and Fluttershy was breathing heavy. As the car ascended the hill that led to the top, she became even more nervous.

"I won't let anything happen to you, okay?"

The air was eerily still at the top of the coaster, and they were above the cloud bank. The only sound was Fluttershy's heartbeat. The cart descended, and Discord put his two different hands in the air.

The pictures afterward showed Fluttershy's hair backwards. She was screaming and gripping onto the car with all her might for safety as Discord put one arm around her and his other one in the air.

At the end of the day, they were just staring up at the night sky in Fluttershy's yard.

"Look at all those stars. Princess Luna really did a good job tonight," Fluttershy commented.

"I know, not that many ponies appreciate her work. She is an artist."

"Yeah."

The two were just lying there, looking up at the cosmos, when a quick white streak appeared.

"Oh, a shooting star. Make a wish."

The two closed their eyes.

"What did you wish for?" asked Discord.

"You're not supposed to tell," replied Fluttershy with a grin.

"Well, you can tell me. We're friends."

"Well….okay. I wished…for us to be friends forever."

Discord smiled and hugged her close. She hugged him back.

"Oh, I KNEW IT!"

Pinkie was behind a bush, spying on them both with binoculars.

"Fluttershy blew me off to hang out with DISCORD! That dirty rat…psychofink!"

She was eating cupcakes as she talked to herself.

"Hold on, Pinkie. Maybe it's not her fault and Discord has her under a spell or something. No, it can't be that because he's good now. You even made him Pinkie promise. Maybe…maybe she just doesn't like me any more. Come on, Pinkie. You're being weird. The point is, Fluttershy blew off our cupcake appointment, and you've got to do something about it. Well, I am! I am gonna show her and that dirty…nerf herder!


	2. Chapter 2

Fluttershy's morning wasn't as pleasant as the last. She was in a dark room, the only light source being a lamp on the ceiling. There weren't even any windows. There were shelves of metal instruments lining the cement wall, and they looked like they had been used. She tried to move, but panicked when she found out she was tied to a chair.

"Hey, Fluttershy!"

Pinkie's face appeared in the light, wearing the same grin she usually does.

"Pinkie? What's going on? Where am I?"

"You're in my basement, silly! Nothing to distract us from our goals now! Just you, me, and cupcakes!"

"Pinkie, I would gladly taste your cupcakes. It's just that I was so busy, I-"

"Shh."

She gently put a hoof over her mouth.

"Don't worry about that now. Just worry about eating these-"

Pinkie pointed to an empty tray next to her.

"Oh. Heehee! Silly me. I was so focused capturing you that I forgot to actually make the cupcakes. I think I ate them all last night. But don't worry, I'll go make some more. You just stay right there. Gummy will provide some entertainment."

Gummy, dressed in a top hat, and tuxedo, just stood there and blinked.

"Um…thank you for your effort, Gummy," Fluttershy said politely.

The alligator scuttled off into a corner, and Fluttershy just stared down at the ground and studied the room around her. As it came more into focus, she could see indeed that it was Pinkie's basement, and the instruments of torture around her were just cake sculpting tools and cookie cutters. She was down there for almost ten minutes before Discord poofed in.

"Oh, my goodness. Are you alright?"

He worked on untying her.

"Yes. How'd you find me?"

"We're friends, so we can easily find each other. You have a very distinctive smell about you. Like, daisies and lavender. It's a good smell."

He managed to free her, and the two walked out of the basement through the unlocked door.

"Hey, Fluttershy, I've got the cupcakes! What would you like to try first?! Red velvet or orange…delight?"

Pinkie saw an empty chair where her friend was supposed to be.

"DARN IT! I gave her entertainment, a decent room, and this is how she repays me?!"

A little angel and devil Pinkie appeared on her shoulders.

"Maybe tying up your friend isn't the best way to handle this. Just talk to her and don't act all psycho."

"No, that's not the way!" Pinkamena, the devil, suggested. "Maybe next time, you should torture her until she tastes your cupcakes."

"Whoa, that's a little dark."

"I'm sorry, did I say torture? I meant torture…by tickling!"

"No, actually, I've got a plan of my own."

"Aw, come on, man!"

"No, it's settled, I'm going to her house this afternoon."

"Why don't you ever listen to me?!"

"I've listened to you before."

"Yeah, like, maybe once!"

"And that was last night, when you said to kidnap Fluttershy and tie her up in my basement! Look how that turned out!"

"Yeah, your ideas suck," agreed the Angel.

"That's it! You're gonna get cut, bitch!"

The devil Pinkamena shanked the angel in the side with a dagger. But, because she was an angel, the wound closed up and only left a little blood on her white gown.

"Oh, it is on!"

The angel got out a sub machine gun and shot around the basement as the devil ran away to avoid the bullets. Pinkie left for Fluttershy's cottage as Pinkamena got out her AR-15 assault rifle.


	3. Chapter 3

The two best friends were sitting under an apple tree watching the sunset. Discord was strumming on a guitar. Or, as Applejack calls it, a gee-tar.

"I didn't know you were left-handed."

"Yeah, just kinda something that comes natural for me."

"What are you playing?"

"Oh, this is an old song. You wouldn't know it."

"Oh…Are there any lyrics?"

"Yeah…"

"Can you sing them to me?"

"I don't know..."

"Pretty please?"

Her eyes stared right into his. But it was more of a pleading stare than a commanding one.

"Oh, alright. If I remember correctly, it kinda goes somethin' like, uh…"

_You know you love me, I know you care_

_Just shout whenever, and I'll be there_

_You are my love, you are my heart_

_And we will never ever ever be apart_

_Are we an item? Girl, quit playing_

_We're just friends, what are you saying?_

_Say there's another and look right in my eyes_

_My first love broke my heart for the first time_

_And I was like..._

_Baby, baby baby oh_

_Like baby, baby baby no_

_Like baby, baby baby oh_

_I thought you'd always be mine_

By this time, Pinkie showed up and was dancing to Discord's song.

_Baby, baby baby oh_

_Like baby, baby baby no_

_Like baby, baby baby oh_

_I thought you'd always be mine_

Fluttershy had noticed Pinkie and was sort of grimacing at her.

_Oh, for you I would have done whatever_

_And I just can't belive we ain't together_

_And I wanna play it cool, but I'm-_

Discord had noticed Pinkie too and stopped playing, slightly annoyed that she was there. She danced for a while after the music stopped, then realized they were both staring at her and slinked back in embarrassment, very uncharacteristic of her.

"What do you want, Pinkie?" Fluttershy asked.

"Hey, Fluttershy. Nice voice, Discord."

"Thank you."

"Listen, uh…Sorry for tying you up in the basement and all. You know how I get all insane in the membrain sometimes, so…friends?"

Fluttershy looked at the outstretched hoof before her and Pinkie's grinning face.

"Oh, I can't stay mad at you. Friends."

The two shook hooves, though Fluttershy had a rather weak hoofshake

"Great! And as a token of my apology, I made you some cupcakes!"

"Oh, thank you, Pinkie."

She bit into one.

"That one's called midnight chocolate. You like it?"

"Yes, very much. Thank you."

Pinkie checkmarked chocolate delight on a piece of paper titled 'Fluttershy's Cupcake Reviews'.

"Why don't you try one, Discord?"

"Oh no, I'm trying to watch my sweets."

"C'mon, one can't hurt."

"Hmm…Well, I suppose…"

He reached for one, and Pinkie stopped him.

"Wait, Discord, why don't you try this one?"

She pointed to a white cupcake in the center of the box.

"Um, okay…Why does it have an X on it?"

"Because it's…x-tra delicious?"

"Hmm, indeed."

He bit into the cupcake as Pinkie's grin turned into an evil sneer. Thunder immediately followed it, then some rain and wind.

"Boy, it sure got stormy quickly."

Discord changed his guitar into an umbrella and hugged Fluttershy under it. Pinkie watched as he walked her home.

"You want me to walk you home, Pinkie?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks, Discord."

He shrugged as the two walked toward the cottage.

"Hmm, what's a clever saying before my evil laugh? So, Discord, you think you can just take my friend? Well, you're not…um…Oh, screw it, I'm just gonna do the laugh. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH! HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH AHAHAH!"

"Hey, what's with all that evil laughing down there?" Rainbow Dash asked through a hole in the clouds.

"Uh, nothing, Rainbow Dash. I was just going home."

"Is there an evil scheme or something you're involved in?"

"Nope, not at all."

Pinkie galloped home through the pouring rain, still managing to keep her poofy mane intact.

"I'm gonna find out what that evil scheme is," Rainbow muttered to herself as she rested on a cloud above the storm.


	4. Chapter 4

Fluttershy yawned as she woke up the next morning. To her surprise, it wasn't Discord by her side, waiting for her to wake up, but instead her pink Earth pony friend.

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!"

"EEP!"

Fluttershy fell off her bed once again.

"Hey, Fluttershy, guess what?"

"What?" she replied drowsily.

"Chicken butt! Hahahhahahahah! But seriously, Discord sent this letter to me and told me to give it to you!"

Pinkie could barely hold her twisted excitement as Fluttershy opened the letter.

"'Dear Fluttershy, I am dearly sorry that I couldn't meet with you today, for I have become quite ill. Normally, I could poof the sickness away and get on with my life, but I'm afraid I cannot because I fail to know the identity of the mystery illness. So for now, I'll have to rely on modern medicine to cure my ailment. But please, don't worry about me. Go on and play with your friend, Pinkie Pie, as she has really wanted to see you these past few days.'"

Pinkie was bouncing up and down when she read that part.

"'I should be up and running tomorrow. With love, Discord.' Aw, poor guy. Maybe I should go over and check on him."

She tried to get up, but Pinkie held her down with her forehoof.

"Nuh-uh-uh. He said he was gonna be fine. Now, come with me, we've got some cupcakes to attend to!"

Pinkie padded to the kitchen, Fluttershy following close behind, but she couldn't shake a worrying feeling off of her.

"This one's called Berry Sweet. Kind of a corny title, I know."

Fluttershy tasted the cupcake Pinkie held out for her.

"It's wonderful, Pinkie," said Fluttershy, her voice carrying a tone of worry.

Pinkie put another checkmark next to all the others Fluttershy had approved.

"And this one is the best one. This is called Pinkie Pie's Ultra Super Delicious Super-Spectacular Fantastic Double Tasty Cupcake!"

Fluttershy gracefully wiped Pinkie Pie's spit from her face.

At that moment, Angel tugged on Fluttershy's tail.

"What is it, Angel?"

The white bunny was covering his ear with one hand and pointing outside.

"A loud noise?"

"Wait, Fluttershy!"

As the yellow pegasus stepped outside, she saw all of her animals covering their ears, for they couldn't stand the cries and moaning of…

"Oh, no, Discord!"

Fluttershy flew as fast as she could towards Discord's home. It still wasn't fully finished, even though she'd been helping him with it a little. She could clearly see inside, where Discord was holding his slender stomach and moaning.

"It's okay, Discord, I'm here."

"Oh, Fluttershy…Don't trouble yourself with me, I'm fine."

"Not from the sound of you, you aren't."

"Fluttershy, it's just…This is the worst sickness I've had in a thousand years! Actually, the only sickness I've had."

"It's alright. Mama Fluttershy's gonna take care of you."

She flew to the kitchen and came back with a spoonful of Ibuprofen.

"This should help with the pain."

Discord chugged down the medicine, then gagged with disgust.

"It's not the best-tasting stuff in the world, but it'll help."

"Oh, thank you, Fluttershy. I'm feeling better already."

"That's quite a moan of pain. What do you think caused it?"

"I don't really know, actually. One moment, I was eating Pinkie's cupcakes, and the next…it seems as if a bomb exploded in my intestines."

"Could it be…food poisoning?"

"Oh, nonsense, Fluttershy, it couldn't be. That cupcake was the best thing I ever had until a few hours ago."

"Hmm…I'm gonna go ask Pinkie."

She spread her wings and prepared to take off.

"Oh, and, um…Fluttershy?"

"Yes?"

"Could you turn that TV on over there?"

"Um…sure."

Fluttershy did so as Discord couldn't help but stare at her flank.

"See anything you like?" she teased. She had gotten comfortable enough around him to make jokes, which was really something for her.

Discord turned a bright red and looked at something else as Fluttershy giggled and turned on the TV.

"Um…it's just static."

"Yes, I don't have cable, but the static calms me."

"Um…okay."

Fluttershy took off and searched her house for Pinkie, just as she saw her talking to the chickens.

"So…what's it like laying an egg?"

The clucking birds just stared at her.

"I understand if you don't wanna talk about it."

"Um…Pinkie?"

"Fluttershy! So, you ready to taste the-"

"Pinkie, Discord is really sick, and he said he felt that way after tasting your cupcake."

The pink pony's eyes widened with fear as she thought, _Oh no, busted_.

"Pinkie…did you make Discord sick?"

"What? Of course not, silly. Why would I do something like that?"

Fluttershy could tell she was lying, so she narrowed her eyes and stared straight into her pupils. Pinkie knew what was happening, yet she couldn't look away as her friend's eyes became wide open into a full-fledged stare. This would ensure her telling the truth.

"I…I…I don't…I-I don't…Okay, okay, I did it! I put rat poison in Discord's cupcake!"

Her stare slowly loosened as Fluttershy looked down at the ground with tears in her eyes.

"Why would you…? How could you…? Rat poison..."

"Um...but it's not what it looks like. I didn't put enough in there to kill him or anything crazy like that. Just enough to give him a little tummyache so you could finally taste my-"

"No, Pinkie, just…don't."

Pinkie was surprised by the amount of hurt in her friend's voice. Then again, she did poison her friend by adding rat poison in his cupcake.

"Fluttershy, don't cry. I hate it when you cry."

"Pinkie…I can't…talk to you right now."

She just stared at her friend.

"Just…I need some time…to think...I'm sorry."

"Oh, I understand. Totally understand. But before I go, would you mind just-"

"Please leave now, or you'll be escorted out."

Angel was in a 50's style leather jacket and sunglasses, and he pounded his paws together like fists.

"Oh, okay…"

Pinkie sadly walked away from Fluttershy's cottage, her hair slowly losing its curl.

"You see? What'd I tell ya'?" Pinkamena told her, looking roughed up from her battle with Angel Pinkie. "Maybe I'm not the one whose plans suck, huh?"

"Oh, shut up, you're not even real."

"Whoa, somepony's got their tail in a bunch today. Love the mane, though. Looks just like mine."

"Oh, Pinkamena…I think I just lost Fluttershy forever…I feel like a big, dumb jerkface right now. Plus, she only has one more cupcake left to try, and it's the best one."

"Well…my plan's still in the air, if you wanna-"

"I will NOT torture my best friend!"

"Hey, whatever, man, it's your…it's your project…I was going to suggest a romantic evening in Las Pegasus."

Just then, the angel appeared.

"Pinkie Pie, what's the matter with you? You know there's only one way to get Fluttershy back."

"Really? What?"

The angel Pinkie wrote something down on a piece of paper, and handed it to her.

On it was only one word: APOLOGIZE.

"With all your heart and soul."

Pinkie's poofy cotton candy mane soon returned, and she smiled a determined grin.


	5. Chapter 5

Pinkie trotted up to Fluttershy's cottage with pride. Everything was going to go perfect, and she knew it, thanks to the Pinkie angel's help. Pinkamena hadn't shown up at all, and she was getting a bit worried. When she finally got to the cottage, Angel was there to stop her at the gate.

"Angel…you know why I'm here."

Angel frisked the pink pony, from her head to her tail, for any weapons. He checked her mane and pulled out a piece of bubblegum.

"Yeah, I was saving that for later."

She popped it in her mouth, much to the disgust of the bunny.

"So…will you let me in?"

He shook his head no.

"Aw, come on! I just want to apologize!"

He looked her up and down, staring straight into her eyes, then finally nodded his head, and as a result, got a death hug by Pinkie.

"Oh, thank you thank you thank you!"

She finally released him so he could stumble and open the gate.

"I'll only be a few minutes."

She knocked on Fluttershy's door to the tune of 'Shave and a Haircut, Two Bits'.

Fluttershy only opened the door a crack.

"What do you want?" she asked, the sadness in her voice apparent.

"Fluttershy, I just wanted to say, I'm solllllll….

Her tongue stuck out to prevent her from apologizing. This was obviously Pinkamena's plan.

"What?"

"I just wanted to say…"

She tried to say the word, but all that came out was a donkey sound.

"What!"

Fluttershy was getting annoyed by now, but she had opened the door fully.

"I just wanted to say…"

Pinkie pressed the remote to a huge fireworks display that spelled out the words:

I'M SORRY

"Oh, Pinkie, did you really-"

"Wait, there's more."

Another firework spelled the word:

FLUTTERSHY

"Aw, you didn't have to-"

"One more."

The last firework got into the shape of her cutie mark.

"Pinkie…did you really put that much work into apologizing to me?"

"Yep! Cost me 8,000 bits, took 2 days to set the fireworks up to the right time, but it was all worth it!"

Fluttershy hugged her best friend, much to the excitement of Pinkie.

"So, you forgive me?!"

"How could I not?"

"YES! YES! YES! Now, you can taste this cupcake!"

"Well...okay...As long as you didn't put rat poison in it," she joked.

"No, this is more of an apology cupcake."

Fluttershy bit into the sugary confection, Pinkie's pen and paper ready. The shy pegasus began to shake violently.

"S-s-s-s-s-s-so m-m-m-m-m-much s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-sugar!"

"Yep! Pinkie Pie's Ultra Super Delicious Super-Spectacular Fantastic Double-Tasty Cupcake lives up to its name! So…is that a yes or a no?"

"Y-y-y-y-y-it's good."

"YES!"

She checkmarked her final cupcake off the list.

"But, in all f-f-f-f-f-fairness, it's not me you should be ap-p-p-p-pologizing to."

"What?"

She looked like she was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"Yes. Maybe the p-p-p-p-p-p-person you poisoned would like to hear a few w-w-words."

"Oh. Right. Sorry, Discord."

"It's cool," responded Discord from the couch. "I'm feeling a lot better now, anyway."

"Well, I'm out of fireworks…Would you like me to sing you an apology song?"

"No, I'm good. Thank you."

Suddenly, the former god of chaos' phone rang.

"Talk to me…Oh, I'm sorry, where are my manners? Hello, Your Majesty…Uh-huh…Yeah…Oh, that does sound rather serious…Yes, those situations are very tricky…Right…Oh, I'm sorry, riiiiiiiight…No need to fret. Just calm down, and I'll be right there."

"W-w-w-what was that about?" Fluttershy asked. "I mean, I don't mean to pry or a-a-anything-"

"You're not. You need to know this…The Princess needs me. Something's sprung up in Canterlot. She couldn't give me the details. She wants me there tomorrow, and I'll be gone about six months?"

"Six months? C-c, c-c, could I come to visit?"

"Afraid not."

She ran up and embraced her chaotic friend.

"I'm gonna m-m-miss you."

He returned the kind gesture.

"Me, too."

"Hey, Discord! Before you go, could you…um…" Pinkie started.

"Pinkie, you know I promised to use my magic for good."

"This is good! I swear!"

"Hmm…alright."

Discord snapped his fingers, and a pink cloud appeared on the other side of Fluttershy's yard.

"HOORAY!"

Pinkie could barely contain herself as she galloped and drank the chocolate rain that spilled from the cloud.

"THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!"

That night, Fluttershy and Discord were having a farewell snuggle in her bed. It was three sizes too small for him, but he didn't care, because Fluttershy was very snuggly, and she thought the same of him.

"I'm gonna be so sad when you leave," said Fluttershy, most of the sugar being worked out of her system.

"Maybe I should leave before you wake up so you won't be so sad?"

"Maybe…Hey, since you're gonna be gone so long, maybe we could…um…"

"What?"

"You know, maybe we could…you know…"

"Kiss?"

Fluttershy's face turned a bright red.

"Yeah…" she barely mumbled.

"It's a little early for that, don't you think?"

"I guess so…"

"But this could be a good start."

Discord gave her a gentle kiss on the top of the head. Her little cheeks as the setting Sun and started to sink under the covers with embarrassment and excitement.

"Sorry if that was too much."

"Oh, no…Just…I've never been kissed by a boy before."

"Not on the lips?"

"Not anywhere."

"Oh, come now. A pretty mare like you? There must've been at least one other stallion."

"Well…there was my dad."

"That doesn't count, he's your father. Who else?"

"Um…you promise not to tell anyone?"

"My lips are sealed."

A zipper appeared on the corner of his mouth, and he literally zipped his lips.

"Okay…There was this one time, at a party…I had just turned 21, and I was ordering my first drink…It turned out, I was a real lightweight, so I was already drunk after one martini."

Flashback to Fluttershy dancing around drunk at a club in Cloudsdale. Rainbow was looking on with concern.

"Whoo! This is my song!"

She did a few drunken moves while everyone giggled at her.

"Fluttershy...you're kind of making a fool of yourself. Maybe you should slow down," Rainbow suggested.

"Oh, I know...I know how to manage my alcohol. Don't worry about me, strange lady," she slurred.

"You know you're gonna pay for this in the morning, if you know what I mean."

"C'mon, pony whom I still don't recall your name...lighten up a bit, live like we're young, ya' know?"

"No, I've got work tomorrow. Scheduled shower over Sweet Apple Acres. And I'm the designated flyer."

"I d...I...Bahahhahahahah! Did you say...Did you say Sweet Apple Acres?"

"Yeah. You know, where Applejack works?"

"Bahahahahhahahahahahhahahaha h! I'm sorry. That is just...that's such...that's such a funny name."

"How is Sweet Apple Acres a funny name?"

"Ahahahhahahahahahhahah! You said it again! Hahahahhahahahahahahahahh!"

Rainbow gave up and waited outside the club for Fluttershy.

"Hey, you're pretty," said an unknown colt.

"And you're sexy." She gave a very drunken, wheezy laugh. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just...Sweet Apple Acres. Hahhahahahahahhahahahahahahh a!

"You wanna go have relations in the bathroom?"

"Yes, I-I would like that very much, yes."

**_French Narrator: A few hours later..._**

Rainbow waited impatiently for her friend outside the nightclub. Finally, she appeared out of the night club, stumbling considerably. Rainbow had to grab her so she wouldn't fall off a cloud.

"Hey...it's you again..."

"That's it, Fluttershy! You're going home!"

"Aw, but I don't...I don't wanna go...I don't wanna...uh...what was it?

"Home! You're going home!"

Rainbow sniffed the air and wrinkled her nose.

"Hey, what's that smell? Smells like sweat and shame."

"Huh, kinda like those...wha'dya call 'em...air fresheners."

"Is that?!...Did you?!..."

_"Show me the way to go home! Everybody!_

_I'm tired and I want to go to bed! Just the women!_

_I had a little drink about an hour ago, and it got right to my head._

_Wherever I may roam_

_Or land or sea or fooooaoaoaoaoaoaoaooaoaoaoam !"_

"I can't believe this! You had-"

"Hey...lo everybody, welcome to the show, I'm here with, uh...what's your name?"

"Rainbow Dash! What show?"

"Y'know, the cameras, they're...they're everywhere, watching...soccer, spider monkey."

The pegasus finally passed out.

"You…had bar sex?!"

Discord could barely contain his laughter as the chuckles wracked his body.

"Shut up."

"Ohh…I'm sorry. That is just too humorous. Did you happen to catch the gent's name?"

"No."

He let out another series of chuckles that embarrassed her even more.

"Sorry. I couldn't help myself. That is…Wow. You're the last pony I would've expected to have that…Did you get pregnant?"

"No. I'm still thanking Celestia that I didn't."

"Hehe…You'd make a great mom, by the way."

"Oh, um…thanks."

"You're welcome. I mean, you take care of all those animals, fillies couldn't be that different."

"Oh, you'd be surprised. This one time, I was babysitting the Cutie Mark Crusaders-"

"The what?"

"Oh, just these three fillies with blank flanks that go on a lot of misadventures to get their cutie marks."

"Hmm. Aren't those the three that set me free from my statue that first time?"

"They did that?"

"Yes, they got into quite a fight. But it was good to stretch out the ol' legs and whatnot."

"I'm sure…What's it like, being frozen for 1,000 years?"

"Boring, mostly. Even though you're trapped with that expression on your face, you can still hear what everypony was saying. When I was free, I spread a thousand years worth of gossip."

"Did you, now?"

"Yes. If people weren't so scared of me, I could've easily gone up to the tabloids and tell them that Princess Celestia sneaks off behind the castle every night and does cocaine."

Fluttershy stared wide-eyed at him.

"She does WHAT?!"

"Kidding."

"Oh. Hehehehe."

"Yes, those idiots will believe anything."

Fluttershy snuggled in close to Discord, and he wrapped his lion paw around her.

"G'night."

Fluttershy kissed him on the cheek.

"Don't let the bedbugs bite."

"Yuck, romance." Rainbow Dash was watching them from the window. "I'm gonna watch somepony else…Hey, what's Big Mac doing?"

Big Macintosh was staring at a TV set in the barn of Sweet Apple Acres. Even when Rainbow flew in, he couldn't keep his eyes off of whatever he was watching. She crept up behind him and saw the X-rated program on the TV. Her wings sprung up from her sides and went stiff, preventing her from flying off. Eventually, she joined Big Mac in his program. He noticed her, but both of them were just staring contently at their program. The farm pony offered her some apple cider, which she gladly drank. She even partook of some of the popcorn on his lap.

"Eeyup."

"Yep."


	6. Chapter 6

Fluttershy woke up and reached over to snuggle Discord. But when there was nothing there, she was kind of confused, but then remembered what happened. Her ears dropped to show her sadness, but beside her, on her nightstand, was a cup of coffee and a note.

_Fluttershy, I just wanted you to know that you can still call me. Here's my number._

_555-666-6666._

_XOXO, Discord_

She smiled and knew that she would never truly be apart from him. She drank Discord's homemade coffee.

Fluttershy turned the water on and stepped into the shower. She had a dream last night that all bathroom appliances were evil, but she had long since forgotten about it, the joy of calling Discord overlapping the nightmare.

The yellow Pegasus started humming to herself as the water blasted her face. She didn't exactly know what it was, but she just kind of went with the flow. The strange part was, someone else was harmonizing with her as she was humming, but she didn't even notice for a little while. She turned around and saw Pinkie washing her hair with shampoo and singing the same song Fluttershy was.

"AAAH!" Fluttershy shrieked.

"AAAH!" Pinkie copied.

The bashful pony covered herself with the shower curtain.

"Yay, I win!" the pink pony exclaimed.

"PINKIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" said a panicked Fluttershy.

"Well, duh! I'm hanging out with my bestest friend in the whole wide world!"

"I'M IN THE SHOWER!"

"Oh, that's so crazy! I am, too!"

"PLEASE LEAVE!"

"Aw…I just wanted to hang out and all. This is the first full day we'd spend together without anypony else interrupting."

"Pinkie, we can still hang out today, just…give me some time to get ready first."

"Okie dokie lokie!" she said all of a sudden happy.

She stepped out of Fluttershy's bathroom and shook water off of her like a dog. Every five minutes or so, as Fluttershy was in the shower or combing her mane, Pinkie would ask if she was ready yet, to which Fluttershy would reply 'No'.

She put a towel over her mane and stepped out of the restroom.

"Why you got that funny thing on your head?"

"I usually do this before I blowdry my mane. You don't do that?"

"No, I don't have that long and beautiful mane like you do."

"Thanks," she said blushing.

"You're welcome! I made you breakfast!"

"Oh. Thank you, Pinkie."

Pinkie had made Fluttershy waffles drowned in maple syrup, toast that was mostly butter, and a few cupcakes.

"Um…"

"Aren't you gonna dig in?"

Pinkie had obviously worked hard, and Fluttershy didn't want to tell her that she was on a diet.

She bit into a waffle and felt like she was going to have a heart attack and instant diabetes because the sugar level was so high.

"Well…?"

"It's…terrific, Pinkie."

"YAY!"

She threw her forelegs around her friend and hugged her.

Fluttershy went back to the bathroom to blowdry her mane after breakfast.

"How long is this gonna take you?"

"Actually, you can come in for this one, Pinkie."

"I can?!"

She bounded inside as Fluttershy let her mane flow freely.

"Hey, if we have hooves, how do we operate a blowdryer?"

"It takes practice."

"Ohh…So what do you wanna do today?" she had to talk loud over the sound of the blowdryer.

"I was thinking we could…" her soft voice trailed off behind the blowdryer's loud hum.

"WHAT?!"

She turned it off for a second.

"Maybe we could go to the forest and watch the critters...Or just have a lazy day at home. It doesn't matter."

"Eh…how about we go to the carnival?!"

"The carnival's not in six months, Pinkie."

"No," she said determined. "There's always a carnival."

"Um…sure."

She continued blowdrying as Pinkie read a magazine of Fluttershy's. In fact, she read an article about 60 ways on how to please your colt. All of a sudden, the humming stopped and Pinkie looked up.

"You done yet?"

"Yes."

"YEAH!"

The two eventually agreed to go to Pon E. Charlie's which Fluttershy thought was weird because Pinkie was 20 years old. But she did have the mind of a child…

Pon E. Charlie's was on the other side of town, and when they got there, Pinkie dived straight into the ballpit.

She had fun playing with the other kids, and Fluttershy ordered a hay and carrot pizza while watching her play.

"C'mon, Fluttershy, why don't you play with us?"

"Um…no thank you. You have fun, Pinkie."

"But you've gotta have fun, too!"

She grabbed her by the hoof and led her out to a high slide that leads straight into the ballpit.

"Oh, my."

"Now, jump in!"

"I don't…I don't know…"

Pinkie gave her a little push, and the frail pony went down the slide, screaming all the way. She finally landed straight into the ballpit as the other fillies and colts cheered.

But it's not that that drove her crazy. The problem was that she didn't get one second of alone time the whole day she was with Pinkie. Even in the bathroom, she'd stand outside and talk to her. Saying Pinkie talked all day is an understatement. She talked every second of the day, every chance she got, and that just drove Fluttershy insane.

After a long and strenuous day, she finally slipped into bed, Pinkie having been dropped off at Sugarcube Corner. The mattress comforted her frame, and she turned off the light. She tried to drift off into slumber, but she couldn't. She had the strangest feeling that somepony was watching her…

She turned the lamp back on to see Pinkie, staring and smiling at her.

She turned the lights back off, leaving Pinkie confused and fumbling for the lamp.

Fluttershy wasted no time barricading the door by nailing 2x4s across the doorframe and pushing all of her furniture up against it. She was gasping for breath by the time she was done, as her furniture is very heavy.

"Where ya goin', best friend?"

Pinkie was suddenly right beside her, scaring her shy friend so that she turned a pale white.

"So, what you thinkin' about doin' tomorrow?! I was thinking we could go on a magical tour of Ponyville! And maybe after that, we could prank all the places we tour! I don't know if you're much of a prankster or not, but it's fun to try new things!"

Fluttershy started to back away while Pinkie padded forward, coming closer with each step.

"I once tried this thing called wasabi! Whoo! Was it spicy! I had to drink, like, a ton of water after, and then I had to go to the bathroom! So sometimes, it's fun! And I like fun!"

She reached for a golf club to hit Pinkie on the head with, but she slipped and fell straight down the staircase. She tried to stop herself with her wings, but she was so exhausted that she couldn't think straight and ended up falling and breaking something on each step.

"Ow…" she feebly said when she reached the bottom.

"Ooh, that looks fun! Let me try!"

Pinkie bounced down the stairs on her puffy tail, Fluttershy's back breaking her fall when she reached the bottom. The frail pony couldn't take any more, and she blacked out.

"Woo-hoo! Let's do it again!...Fluttershy?...Hello?...Wake up, sleepyhead."


	7. Chapter 7

At the hospital, Pinkie was waiting nervously for the report on her friend. She was twiddling her hooves to pass the time and glancing at an elderly pony reading a brochure.

"Hospitals are the masters of suspense, huh?" Pinkie awkwardly tried to start a conversation.

"Uh…I guess."

"Um…what are you here for?"

"My wife's having bloodwork done."

"Well…my friend fell down the staircase."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't say that. It sounds like she's dead, um…Say something hopeful."

"Uh…Everything's gonna be alright. I fell down the stairs a lot when I was a boy."

"That's very hopeful, thank you."

The doctor stepped out of the double doors, but as soon as he did, Pinkie grabbed him by the shoulders.

"YOU'RE HERE! What's the news?! Is Fluttershy okay?! I mean, what if there's nothing else you can do?! I don't think I can handle a funeral!"

She slumped down and cried at the doctor's hooves, gathering the attention of everypony in the room.

"I killed my best friend!" she choked out through sobs.

"Relax, okay? Your friend's gonna be alright."

She immediately perked up.

"Would you like to see her?"

She rushed past the doctor and into the first room she saw.

"Fluttershy, I'm so happy to see you!" she exclaimed, waking an old pony with an oxygen mask from his nap by hugging him so hard.

"Uh, that's not her."

"Oh…right."

She rushed into another room and walked in on a pony giving birth.

"Fluttershy!"

"GET OUT!" yelled the doctors.

"Oh. Okay, sorry…Congratulations."

"I'll take you to where Fluttershy is," said the doctor.

"Oh, don't tell me she's in one of those tubes filled with liquid like where they keep aliens, is she?!"

"No…why would we do that?"

"You wouldn't, it's just…I watch a lot of movies."

The doctor took her to Fluttershy's room. She was in a hospital gown on her bed. Her front left leg was in a sling, and she looked very tired.

"Hey," she greeted, her soft voice barely above a whisper.

Pinkie ran up to her and gave her a death hug right away, causing her even more pain.

"Fluttershy, I'm so, so sorry! I promise never to hurt you again! I don't know what I was thinking! I'm a stupid jerk pony! I'm so sorry!"

"Uh…you might want to go easy on the hugging," the doctor suggested. "Because she's got four broken ribs…because of you."

She immediately loosened her grip on her friend, holding her sides in pain.

"So...what can we expect, doc?"

"Okay, so here's the full report, uh, she broke both her wings, four ribs, her front left arm, and her pelvis. Because she's so frail, the fractures were more significant, so, long story short, she'll have to stay with us for a few weeks."

"A few weeks?!" Pinkie asked. "How long is that?!"

"A few weeks."

"OH, NO!"

"I'll just leave you two to sort this out."

He trotted out to check on another patient, and Pinkie's eyes welled up with tears. She threw herself onto Fluttershy's lap and hugged her, causing her to cringe in pain.

"Oh, Fluttershy, I'm so sorry! I'll never do anything to hurt you again!"

"Pinkie…you're on my pelvis."

"Oh. Sorry," she said, getting up.

"It's okay. Ow."

"I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, Pinkie. Accidents happen."

"I just…Fluttershy…While I was in the ambulance carriage with you, I…I realized something."

"What is it?"

"Whenever I'm around you, I…Well…I hurt you…Either emotionally or physically. And that's why I'm gonna need you to sign this."

Fluttershy's vision was still a little blurry, so she couldn't quite make out the words of a piece of paper that Pinkie was holding.

"What's that?"

"It's a restraining order. Just sign this piece of paper, and I won't be able to come within 1,000 feet of you."

"Pinkie, I can't sign a restraining order against my best friend."

"Please, Fluttershy. If I can't come near you, I won't be able to hurt you. Trust me, it's for the best."

"I'm sorry, Pinkie, but I can't do it. I can get used to getting hurt."

"No…you can't…" Pinkie was visibly crying right now, and it hurt her to see her normally happy and energetic friend like this.

"Okay…I'll sign it."

Pinkie handed her a pen, which she took in her mouth to sign the restraining order. She felt like crying, too, but she couldn't because her eyes were so heavy.

"So, I…Guess I'll see you later?" Pinkie said.

"You can still call me, right?"

"No, I can't risk electrocuting you."

"Letters?"

"Papercuts."

"Come on, Pinkie. You're acting more cautious than I am."

"Well, I just don't wanna see you hurt."

"Alright, if that's what you think. Although I should probably tell the others about what happened-"

"NO! I mean, uh, no. Sorry, almost gave you ear damage."

"Why not?"

"Because if the others find out, they'll spread it to others, and pretty soon, the news will be all over Equestria! It'll even get to Discord!"

Fluttershy hadn't even thought about Discord. Maybe it was because she was so tired…

"And if Discord found out, well…You're his marefriend!"

"No, I'm not-" she said, embarrassed.

"And when you mess with a man's love life…Well…Who knows what he'll do to me?! He could put poison in my cupcakes, you know, sort of like cosmic payback, or he could turn my cupcakes into gigantic monsters that would eat my normal cupcakes, then me, then eventually, the whole town!"

"Pinkie, he's not gonna do that."

"I know, but I can't risk it."

"Okay, visiting time's over. Fluttershy needs her rest," the doctor advised.

"Okay, guess I'd…better fulfill that restraining order."

"Um…I'll miss you...Pinkie."

Her eyes fluttered close, and the injured pony drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

"Oh, no! She's dead! I killed her!"

"Uh, no, that's just the anesthetic. She's okay as long as the heart monitor's beeping."

Pinkie looked at all the devices around her.

"Which one's the heart monitor?"

"The beeping thing."

"Ohh, so _that's _what that is."


	8. Chapter 8

Pinkie had a sad and boring few days. She didn't come out of her room in those few days, even with the Cakes pleading with her. It just wasn't like her to be this anti-social. Her mane had dropped considerably, all from the guilt of injuring Fluttershy and the constant pressure of Discord somehow finding out. After a while, Mr. and Mrs. Cake decided to get Pinkie out into the sunlight.

The two dragged her out by her forelegs, the pony resisting greatly and wanting to go back to her room, and gently opened the door. Pinkie hissed at first when she came into contact with the light, but when she felt the comforting warmth of the Sun on her face, she smiled, her poofy mane coming back.

"Woo-hoo! It's such a pretty day!"

The Cakes smiled and returned to business as usual.

However, that joy was only temporary, as she saw the hospital while bouncing down the street and remembered she had to stay 1,000 feet away from her best friend in there.

She decided that she really couldn't stay cooped up in her room all the time and decided to check on Fluttershy's cottage. She left Angel in charge as the sole caretaker of all of her pets, and the poor little bunny looked absolutely tuckered out.

"Angel, is there any way I can help?"

The white rabbit handed her a shopping list that he had written himself.

"Oh, so you can understand English?"

He nodded.

"Well, don't you worry. I'm gonna get all this stuff for you so you don't starve! Fluttershy's probably worried sick about you guys!"

Pinkie went to the grocery store and, as she was pushing her cart, saw two kinds of paper towels.

"Hmm. This one says 'Best Paper Towel in Town'. This one says 'Best Paper Towel Around'. In Town…Around…In Town…Around. Hmm…This could take a while."

Pinkie looked at the two brands, trying to decide which one was best, but she just couldn't decide which one was better for the animals.

"_Attention, everypony, the grocery store will be closing in five minutes._"

"Five minutes?! Oh, no! How long have I been here?!"

She quickly grabbed both brands and hurried to the register.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, you'll have to put one of these items back."

"What?! Why?!"

She pointed to a sign that said '10 Items or Less'.

"Wow. I thought that was, like, your slogan, or something."

She looked over the items, trying to decide which one to put back.

"_Two minute warning._"

She picked the Best Paper Towel Around and galloped to put it back on the shelf. When she returned, her items were put into bags.

"That'll be 52 bits."

"Okay."

Pinkie started going through her saddlebag for her bits, but could only pull out 49.

"Uh…could you put the rest on my tab?"

"Yeah, we don't do those."

"Seriously?!"

"_One minute warning._"

She turned to the pony behind her.

"Hey, can I borrow three bits?"

"No."

"Aw, come on, I'll pay you back, I Pinkie promise!"

"No, you won't."

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"

"_30 seconds._"

"PLEASE!"

"You know, you could just put one of the items back that costs three bits," the cashier suggested.

"Ohh…"

She picked up the Best Paper Towel in Town and put it back.

"_15 seconds._"

She practically flew, she was running so fast, and threw the cash at the cashier. She had no idea that the grocery store would stay open a little longer for ponies still in line.

By the time she got to Fluttershy's cottage, it was already dark, and Angel was tapping his foot impatiently on the porch.

"Oh, Angel, I, uh…"

He had a look that suggested he was not amused. He quickly went through the bags and collected everything in them. When he was finished, he shoved the list in Pinkie's face and pointed to paper towels.

"Oh, uh…Funny story. So, there's these two paper towel brands…"

He slapped himself and pointed to the door.

"I can do better next time! Please don't make me leave!"

Angel realized he had no other choice, as Pinkie was the only one who dropped by Fluttershy's house constantly. He then consented and allowed her to stay a little longer.

"Alright! You rock, Angel!" she said, hugging him tightly.

Fluttershy's telephone rang, and she pushed the bunny aside to answer it.

"Yello?"

"Oh, what's up, Pinkie?"

"Oh, uh…hey, Discord."

"You sound nervous."

She was very nervous, because she remembered what happened to Fluttershy and how she couldn't tell him.

"Must be the connection."

"Well, uh, can you put Fluttershy on? I know I haven't talked to her in a while, and-"

"Uh, sure! Let me just, uh…"

There was only one last resort: Pinkie had to impersonate her best friend.

"Fluttershy! Telephone!"

She was even realistic enough to clop her hooves so that it impersonated trotting down the stairs.

"Um…hello?" Pinkie said in the softest, quietest voice she had ever talked in.

"Hey, Fluttershy! I haven't heard your sweet, delicate vocal chords in so long. Did you lose my number?"

"No, I've just, um…had a lot of chores to do."

"Well, me too. The castle's had this big plumbing problem."

"Ew."

"Yeah, it's a mess. The Princess appointed me because I was a plumber for a while.

"Um…really?"

"1986 was a crazy year, I tell you."

"Hahahahahahaha. You're funny, Discord."

"You sound a little different today. Is everything alright?"

"Um…" Pinkie fake coughed as gracefully as she could. "I have a cold."

"Oh. I hope you're not too sick. Do you need me to come over and take care of you?"

"No, it's just a little cold. I don't want you to disobey Royal Orders."

"You've got a point. But the Princess would probably make an exception if you were really sick."

"I can take care of myself, it's fine."

"Well, okay. Talk to you later, I guess. What's the abbreviation for that again?"

"TTYL."

"Oh, got it. Sorry, I'm a little old. TTYL."

Discord hung up, and Pinkie slumped up against the wall. Discord would be calling every day, pretty much. Pinkie decided she had to live in Fluttershy's house, posing as her. It wouldn't be easy, and eventually, she'd probably get caught, but she couldn't let Discord find out that she injured his marefriend. She could already visualize it in her head.

"You did what?" Discord asked after she told him she hurt Fluttershy.

"I'm so sorry. Please, please don't be mad."

"Oh, I'm not mad."

"Y-you're not?"

"No. I'M FURIOUS!"

Discord breathed fire that turned Pinkie into a crisp chicken finger, which he ate, licking his fingers afterwards. He then proceeded to eat all of her cupcakes.

"NO! NO! NOT THE CUPCAKES! GET AWAY GET AWAY!"

Pinkie awoke from her nightmare, a cold sweat dripping from her forehead. Angel was scared out of his wits from Pinkie's loud scream. He had let her stay, posing as his owner, as long as she bought him and the animals groceries and helped out with chores.

"Oh…Sorry, Angel. I don't normally have…nightmares."

He disregarded it and went back to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning, Pinkie awoke and realized she had to do something about her appearance. If she was going to be posing as Fluttershy, she'd have to look the part.

She started by dyeing her entire body a light canary yellow, thanks to a can of mane dye that Fluttershy had in her bathroom. She even covered her cutie mark and, with Angel's help, painted three butterflies on her flank.

Next was the mane. No matter how many hair products she tried, or how many times she combed it, her mane just wouldn't lay down. She decided the best option was a wig, so she snuck into Rarity's boutique that night and tiptoed past her making a dress.

In the midst of all the cloth and the hum of a sewing machine, the pink pony saw a wig that looked just like Fluttershy's long, luxurious mane. In her path was a growling, spoiled cat named Opalescence.

"Shh."

When she approached the wig closer, her growls just seemed to get louder, despite many shushes from Pinkie.

"Who's there?"

Rarity looked up from her work and saw a yellow pony in a black jumpsuit and black ski mask.

"AAAAH! INTRUDERS!"

She grabbed a baseball bat and started pummeling Pinkie all over.

"You brute! You ruffian! You beast! You cad!" she said with every blow to Pinkie's face. "You peeping tom! You criminal! You monster! You-"

"NO, RARITY WAIT! IT'S ME!"

Pinkie revealed her bruised and bloodied face from Rarity's attack. But Rarity mostly recognized her wild mane.

"Pinkie? Oh, I am so sorry, you scared me half to death…Why are you yellow?"

"Not important…Can I…Can I borrow…that, uh…" Pinkie mumbled, barely conscious.

"Borrow what?"

She pointed to the fake hair behind her.

"Oh, the wig? Well, why didn't you just say so?"

Pinkie collapsed on the floor of the boutique.

"Oh, dear."

Rarity galloped over to the sink and filled a bucket with cold water.

"This might ruin the rug, but…"

She spilled the freezing water all over Pinkie's face.

"Wh-wh-where am I?"

"You were just asking me if you could borrow the wig."

"Oh, yeah. Can I?"

"Well, I don't see why not."

She immediately put the wig on and ran outside the shop.

"Now, what would Pinkie want with that wig? She looks an awful lot like Fluttershy in it. She even painted herself yellow. Hmm…Well, it doesn't concern me right now. Back to work."

She continued sewing while Opal took her rightful place on her bed.

When she got back to the cottage, Pinkie realized there was nothing she could do about her tail. She would just have to pretend it was a bad tail day for her. But would that work?

Next, she went to the store and purchased some sea green contacts, the color of Fluttershy's.

Finally, she practiced speaking like Fluttershy.

"_Um…hi. My name's Fluttershy. I'd like to be your friend, if that's okay with you._"

"What'd you think?" she said in her normal voice to Angel, the judge.

He held up a 3.5.

"Aw, come on! No, Pinkie, it's just constructive criticism. You've got to get this right."

There was a sudden knock on the door.

"COMING! I mean, _coming_. What should I do?!"

Angel pointed to the door.

"Right. I've got to face this."

She opened the door, as scared as Fluttershy normally is, and saw Rainbow Dash.

"Hey, Fluttershy!"

"_Um, hey, Rainbow Dash._"

"So, I brought over this new movie, and I was wondering if you'd wanna…you know…watch it with me?"

"_Oh, that would be wonderful. Just let me make some-_"

"Hey…where are your wings?!"

Pinkie had completely forgotten about Fluttershy's wings.

"_I, um…forgot them?_"

"Discord did this didn't he?!"

"_No, he didn't. He's away._"

"I knew that rat couldn't be trusted! I'm gonna fly up to Canterlot and show him I mean business!"

She tried to take flight, but Pinkie was stepping on her wing.

"Let me go! I've got some chaotic butt to kick!"

"_Um, Rainbow…can you keep a secret?_"

"About 50% of the time. Why?"

"_That's good enough for me._"

She dragged her inside and shut the door.

"_Um…you see…and, um…don't get mad, but…I'm not really Fluttershy._"

Rainbow just stared at her, confused at first.

"_I'm actually…_Pinkie Pie," she said, removing her wig.

"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! WHAT THE HAY?!"

She tried to fly out the window, but Pinkie grabbed her and covered her mouth.

"Please don't tell anypony."

"YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME, PINKIE! WHERE'S THE REAL FLUTTERSHY?!"

"In the hospital! I can explain everything if you just calm down!"

After a few more seconds, Rainbow calmed down enough and sat down on the couch.

"Tell me everything, and I mean EVERYTHING."

"Okay…I'll tell you."

Pinkie explained the whole thing about Discord, him leaving, Pon E. Charlie's, Fluttershy falling down the stairs, and the restraining order. By the end, Rainbow was amazed.

"Are you sure you didn't just read me some nerd's fanfiction?"

"Nope, all true."

"So, if I go to the hospital right now, Fluttershy will be there?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Well…let's go see her! She must be pretty lonely!"

"Well, I can't…really go."

"Because of the restraining order?"

"Yeah…"

"I can record the visit, if you want."

"No, it could electrocute her."

"Pinkie…I'm only gonna say this once...Bad things are gonna happen in the world. We can't stop 'em, we can't predict 'em, we can't do anything about 'em, but they're destined to happen, y'know? But that chance covers the millions of miles that is Equestria, and a bad thing could happen to anypony at any time. But that doesn't mean all those bad things happen to you."

"Oh, I kinda get it now."

"Yeah. And if you seal yourself up in a plastic bubble and hide from the world…Life won't be so enjoyable, huh?"

"I guess not."

"C'mon, Pinkie, that's, like, your mantra. You're out there partying and having a good time and all that…Why don't we do that some more?"

"I'm afraid, Rainbow…I don't wanna hurt Fluttershy. She's got broken bones because of me…I feel terrible."

"Well, don't be. Those kinds of freak accidents are bound to happen to everypony at least once. Remember when I was in the hospital?"

"Yeah…"

"And I didn't let that get me down. I was up and flying after I'd read all the Daring Do books."

"Ohh…"

"Yeah. And Fluttershy's probably ripped up that restraining order, anyway. You know her. She's too kind."

'

Rainbow's pep talk made Pinkie feel a lot better.

"You know, she's probably gonna be really weirded out when she finds out you've been impersonating her."

"Oh, she knows me. She'll be fine."

"Right, right…"

The phone rang, and Pinkie ran to answer it.

"_Hello?_"

"Hello, Pinkie Pie."

Pinkie's face turned a dark green with fear, because Discord had found her out.

"What is it?" Rainbow asked.

"I-it's for you."

Rainbow got the phone from her pink friend.

"Hello?"

"Loser says what?"

Rainbow didn't respond.

"Loser says what?!"

"I know what you're trying to do. I'm not gonna say what."

"Ahahahahhahahahaha! Hahhahahahahahahahahahahhah!"

"Talk about immature."

"Yes…let's talk about immature."

A green mist zapped out of the phone, turning Rainbow Dash into a filly before Pinkie's eyes.

"Hey!" she squeaked. "Why are you bigger?! And why is my voice so high?!"

Discord's laugh could still be heard through the phone. The green mist kept coming until it revealed the god of chaos himself right in the middle of the living room.

"DISCORD'S BACK!"


	10. Chapter 10

"YOU'RE CRAZY!"

Filly Rainbow Dash protested as tied them both up, back to back. Pinkie was tall enough that she was standing, but Rainbow was too short for her feet to touch, and she was tied to Pinkie's back.

"Oh, I'm crazy. I'M CRAZY?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"You know, Rainbow Dash, I don't know if your little filly mind would comprehend this, but craziness is…just a state of mind. Temporarily or permanently affected by a traumatic event. Or you're just born that way. So, you could say I'm the definition of "crazy". But really, what is a definition?"

"Gah, stop using big words!"

"I can use as many big words as I want, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Rainbow Dash spit right in Discord's face.

"Now, that was rude. And to think, I was going to go easy on you because you were a filly."

"Why are you here, you big dumb ugly son of a mule?!"

"We should really watch that language there, Rainbow. But the reason I'm here is because Pinkie Pie…messed with somepony I know and love."

Pinkie looked defeated and was hiding behind her curly mane.

"You see, Pinkie, when I found out you hurt my marefriend…I was pretty peeved off. I battled within myself for hours, sitting alone at my exclusive suite at the castle, until I finally snapped. So, you could say I'm crazy. And I probably am. Because after I kill you both, I'm going to take over all of Equestria."

"LET US GO RIGHT NOW OR I'LL…I'LL…!"

"You'll what?"

"Uh…I dunno man, but when I think of something, you're gonna get it!"

"Haha, I'm sure I will. But for now…let me get some on you girls."

He grabbed the TV remote and flipped the channel.

"_We now return to Honey Boo Boo!_"

"Oh, no! Not that! Anything but that!" Rainbow Dash pleaded.

Cut to Honey Boo Boo's mom in bed, with multiple people watching her. (And yes, they are in pony form).

"Ah wash mahseyuhlf with a rayuhg awn a steeyuck."

The people in the room applauded at her idiotic comment.

"AAAAAAHH!" Pinkie screamed.

"MAKE IT STOP!" Rainbow Dash cried for mercy.

Meanwhile, at the hospital, Fluttershy was watching Bridlemaids and sipping a juicebox.

"Elusive, I just think you're getting to be a bother."

"You know what?! How dare you! You don't know where I come from! You don't know where I've been, what I've done, and what I've been through to get from where I was to where I am now!"

"You go, girl," she commented.

Suddenly, her ear twitched, and she smelled something funny.

"My Flutter Sense is tingling…Trouble's ahoof."

She immediately leaped out of bed. Her pelvis was broken, so she couldn't walk, but she crawled with her one good hoof and out the door without any of the incompetent staff noticing.

She dragged herself out the door and held herself up by a signpost, signaling for a taxi carriage. When one finally arrived, she struggled to get herself in.

"Do you go to the outskirts of town?"

"Alright…But it's gonna cost ya' extra."

She held out her saddlebag, and the pony pulling the cab raced toward her cottage.

Back at the cottage, the two were both crying, the show was so bad while Discord was reading a book on How to Torture.

"Y'know, Pinkie…I didn't wanna have to tell you this, but…since we're gonna die, anyway…I kinda have a confession."

"What is it, Dashie?" she said.

"Uh…I was the one who sent 50 pizzas to your house and made you pay for them all."

"WHAT?! WHY YOU LITTLE-"

She struggled at the ropes to strangle filly Rainbow Dash. Unbeknownst to Pinkie, her plan was working.

"And, uh, I was the one who painted a mustache on you while you were sleeping!"

Pinkie became even angrier and tried to wriggle herself free some more.

"I was also the one who…burnt those cupcakes you made last week!"

Pinkie's anger was so much that she managed to break free, allowing Rainbow Dash to escape also.

"Awesome! You did it, Pinkie!"

As soon as she was freed, though, she put her hooves around filly Rainbow Dash's throat.

"WHY, I OUGHTA-!"

"Pinkie! It doesn't matter now! We're free!"

"Oh. We are," Pinkie said, instantly happy.

Rainbow Dash grabbed a sledgehammer and destroyed Fluttershy's TV, so the horrible images were no longer on.

As soon as they escaped, Discord was in a floating easy chair, congratulating them.

"Good show. Good show, indeed."

"You know what else is a good show?! MY HOOF IN YOUR FACE!"

Rainbow did a flying karate kick at the monster, but he just deflected her with a simple wave of his hand. She was sent flying straight into Fluttershy's bookshelf, a large book of animal anatomy falling right on top of her little head.

"Hahahahahahahhahah! That one never gets old!" Discord said as he sipped more of his tea.

"Wow, that's low, even for you," Pinkie scolded.

"Oh, what is low? What is heartless? What is-"

"Stop it! You're making my head hurt!"

Discord levitated Pinkie in the air.

"I was going to finish you off by watching that show…But I guess it could be an even slower process."

He threw her onto the hardwood floor of Fluttershy's house, then smashed her against the roof. He then repeated this process multiple times.

"Oh, relax, Pinkie. A few hundred more smashes, and you'll be brain dead within a few hours."

"STOP!"

Fluttershy crawled inside, looking around at all the damage caused by her boyfriend. Discord's eyes teared up at the sight of her.

"Fluttershy…?"

"Discord! You've been a very naughty boy! I am very disappointed in you! How could you go all chaotic again? And to think, I thought you were over it! I thought you'd turned over a new leaf to be my friend! Well, obviously, you haven't so, Discord...You can just consider our relationship over."

"No…no…please, Fluttershy! I'll do anything! Please let us be back together!"

"It's too late for that. You've proved to me that you can't control your chaos, thus proving to me that you don't want to be my friend."

"She's right, you know," Rainbow commented from under the bookshelf.

"You turned Rainbow Dash into a filly and hurt Pinkie Pie!"

"I'm okay, actually."

"And he made us watch Honey Boo Boo!"

"YOU MADE THEM WATCH HONEY BOO BOO?!"

"I'm so, so sorry! I was just so upset over you getting hurt, and I…I didn't know how to control myself."

While the god of chaos was crying on the ground, Fluttershy couldn't help but sympathize with him. She dragged herself up next to him and let him sob into her shoulder.

"Aw…you really cared that much about me?"

"Of course I did…Babe…is it okay if I call you that?"

"Yes."

"Babe, if you died…I would probably take my own life and take Equestria with it."

"Discord…there's other ways to handle these kinds of things. You have a lot of magic inside you, and you're still working to use it responsibly. Now, I understand it's hard after being the bad guy for 1,000 years, but…you've got to try harder. Please try."

He was sniffling still, but starting to regain his composure.

"Okay…I'll try…Harder this time…"

The two smiled and gave each other a big hug.

This scene was so heartwarming that even filly Rainbow Dash was sniffling, but only because of a bowl of onions Pinkie was holding next to her.

"Hey!"

"Now, will you pony up and fix this mess?"

"Absolutely."

In a bright flash of light, everything Discord broke was fixed.

"Hey…what do you say we go on a nice date tonight? My treat," Discord suggested.

"That sounds wonderful…But I should get back to the hospital."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that."

Discord snapped her fingers, and Fluttershy was elegant and in a forest green and white dress. Her broken bones were mended, and her hair was all done up.

"Oh, my goodness, Discord…Thank you."

"Yeah, that would've been helpful, like, a few days ago," Pinkie commented.

"Hey, I just found out she was hurt. Cut me some slack."

"Should've gone to the hospital and cured her instead of trying to kill us."

"Shut up…I'm complicated."

Pinkie was backed into a corner, trying to stay away from Fluttershy. She came a little closer, but she tried to sink into the wall. Eventually, the two were face-to-face.

"Is this about that restraining order?"

"…Yeah."

"Pinkie, I ripped that up as soon as you left."

"Y-y-you did?"

"Yeah, just like I told you," said a now grown Rainbow Dash.

"Pinkie, you're my friend. Even though you didn't come to visit me once."

"Uh...Well, uh...We were just about to, but, uh..."

"Oh, that's okay. I enjoyed the peace and quiet. Um...after tonight, we should hang out some more. If, um...if that's okay with you."

"Okie dokie lokie!"

She hugged her friend with and smiled, causing Rainbow Dash to sniffle again, only to discover the bowl of onions again.

"Would you get out of here?!"

In the middle of the forest, the full moon lighting the way, Fluttershy and Discord were having a nice, fancy meal prepared by him.

The animals were there to cater to their every whim, Fluttershy thanking and tipping them each time.

"So, um…Discord…When are you going back to Canterlot?"

"The Princess thinks you're still hurt. I should get to stay another couple of weeks."

"Are you sure it's okay to lie to her like that?"

"It'll be fine. Just…if her guards come around, get back in your casts and say 'Oh, agony. Aaaagonyyyyyy.'"

That little joke made Fluttershy fall out of her seat laughing. She had the sweetest little laugh, and Discord wished he could listen to it forever.

"Ahem."

Two royal guards were behind Discord, glaring at him.

"Oh…hello, boys."

"We heard every word you said."

Fluttershy had noticed and was looking sad. He would do anything to see her happy again, so he thought of something else.

"Um…hey, have you gents ever heard the story of DISCORD WHO COULD RUN VERY FAST AND PRINCESS CELESTIA'S LAME GUARDS THAT COULDN'T?!"

"Hey! Get back here!"

The two guards trailed Discord as he ran into the forest, Fluttershy throwing a laughing fit.

**THE END**


End file.
